Given that we’ve just begun a new year, and many are focused on making changes and/or adhering (or not) to newfound resolutions, I figured it would be a good time to post some thoughts on the topic. I should note that I started writing this post back in November and due to my own ambivalence on whether I wanted to continue writing about it, I held back. But after reading a number of related stories, books and blog posts since then, all of which I’ve found to be inspiring, I thought it would be good to pass along for anyone else who might benefit.
Leo Babauta, the mastermind behind Zen Habits, makes the claim that fear is at the root of most problems. He goes on to list specific problems that I’ve certainly had issues with (not enough time to exercise, not enough time to write, etc.). I really encourage everyone to check out Babauta’s thoughts, and wholeheartedly agree with what he’s getting at here.
Matt Frazier of No Meat Athlete, who at the turn of the calendar launched the #WriteandRun31 project with his sister, recently shared a really strong and humbling post regarding fear, comparing the illusion of it all to pro wrestling. It’s an interesting take, but one that’s worth looking at.
One thing I’ve found helpful in dealing with such anxieties is taking a look at them from a different perspective than when I had growing up. I’ve been exploring meditation and mindfulness for a few years, since about 2006, when I first stumbled into the whole aspect while reading Jack Kerouac’s The Dharma Bums, a book that had a profound impact on me and how I look at the world, but it was really only the starting point for what has become a pretty interesting journey.
I should clarify that I’ve been horribly inconsistent when it comes to meditation, but I’ve also seen that meditation comes in many forms, and even in the small time I’ve devoted to it, it’s made a massive difference in my life. I just finished Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm (read an excerpt here), and if you’re looking to be more at peace and enjoy your life every day without battling regular anxieties that pop up, this one’s a must-read. Thay is one of many who have inspired me to take on my meditation, and so far I love everything I’ve read by him.
Now what, you may ask, do I — or you, or they, or he, or she, or we — have to be afraid of? Pick any reason you like, there are plenty to go around. I sure as hell have a number of things that cause a well of fear and anxiety to bubble up on a frequent basis. Who doesn’t? And yes, writing, for me, is one of them, as is running — both of which I’m aiming to do on a daily or near-daily basis in the month ahead (for more on my efforts with the #WriteandRun31 Challenge, click here.).
So why do something if you’re afraid of it? Why bother writing if I’m afraid of failing, of not reaching publication, of not being good, or, oddly, of being good? Fantasy writer Ksenia Anske goes into the fear of writing well a bit here, and quite wonderfully (I just discovered this post the other day; it’s a great read). Why bother trying to run if there are elements I hate about it (such as waking pre-dawn to push through the morning ice-filled air, or worrying about whether to wave to a passerby)?
The short answer is that while there are elements about these things I find difficult or in some ways off-putting, there are also elements I love, elements that push me to this strange little area filled with tranquility, a lucid form of creativity. But you only reach that point after pushing through and past the difficult elements, and they are absolutely worth it.
I’m in my 30s and I’ve only really just begun to work on facing my own fears, trying to understand them. I could certainly say I would have done a few things differently in my youth, but I followed the anxieties that typically come with adolescence and didn’t listen to what was really calling me. I’ve started listening since then, so my efforts in creativity have been slow-going, as you may have noticed from the gaps in regularity on this little blog. But it’s all about progress, the small victories, that make a difference in the end.
More to the point, I’ve learned time and again that “conquering” your fears is a bit of an illusion, and avoiding them is like avoiding a fresh leg wound – regardless of whether you want to look at it, the fact of the matter is you’re bleeding, and, yes, you need to take care of that thing for it to heal.
Here’s to hoping we can all take a look at what sparks the fear, how we can face it and, eventually, live in such a way that it does not hold us back from doing what we love.
Upward and onward.
