Matt B. Perkins

Archives for September 2017

Fueling the Fire of Writing

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There is a story in the initial pages of Pema Chödrön’s book Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears that relays the tale of a man who tells his grandson that he has two wolves fighting in his heart. One wolf is filled with anger, the other filled with kindness. When the grandson asks which one will win the fight, the man says the one he chooses to feed. (I’m paraphrasing this story, of course — you can read an excerpt from the book here, which provides more context.)

I love this story. It’s the perfect metaphor for describing that what we give our energy to, thrives.

Another way to think about this is fueling the right fire. We all have multiple fires burning within us. Fires of passion, of rage, dwindling flames of grief, sparks of humor.

Indeed, the types of fires within us are endless. Great blazes, smoldering embers, spark-lights, and flickers — a wide variety, large and small. And we can always choose which ones we want to keep burning.

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The Equinox of Change

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Fall.

Autumn.

The season of change.

And it has arrived. IT’S HERE!

I get oddly excited about this time of year. I was born in October, and have always had an unspoken connection to this season, which for me has always marked a time of anticipatory joy and transition, leading up to the dim-lit joyous holidays and birth of a new year (and snow . . . I like snow).

As a quick side, I should note that some of the best stories I’ve read in my life perfectly capture the essence of Autumn: namely Washington Irving’s The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and Rip Van Winkle, and, certainly more notably, Ray Bradbury’s The October Country. Bradbury spoke my language when it came to October and the Autumn season, let alone being among my favorite authors of all time. The poetry in his prose has a universal element to it. It’s simple, mosaic, hard-hitting.

But I’m getting ahead of myself and certainly off track here. Let’s get back to September, the fall equinox, and the essence of change.

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What is The Deep-Down Hum?

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Over the past few months I’ve referenced something I call “the deep-down hum” quite a bit. I’ve explained in passing what it is I’m talking about here, so I thought the time was right to actually dig a bit deeper and clarify what this all means.

There are times in one’s life when doubt is completely absent. When fear is not even a cloud of a thought, let alone at the forefront of one’s mind. When the inner-river of the soul is moving fluidly, smoothly, naturally. It’s not a sense of contentment. It’s a sense of living. These are times when you’re so incredibly sure about something that you can’t understand or explain such a level of certainty.

What’s actually happening here is you are responding to the call of your soul. That inner guide that many refer to as gut-instinct, revealing in its own way your true purpose in this life.

Photo via dima_goroziya.

I call this “the deep-down hum” because for me, I’ve always experienced this call as quite literally a faint but deep-thrumming song far down within myself. When I pay attention to that call, I hear it as a low humming that begins to elevate from octave to octave as I respond to it. Conversely, as I avoid this call, it begins to quiet again and drifts to a whisper.

But it never leaves; it’s always there.

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Reducing the Noise of Hesitation

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Photo via Pexels.

I hate hesitating. I really hate it. Especially when it comes to doing something I know deep down I really want to do (so much so that it borders on need).

It is the result of an uncertain mind. It is caused by the shadow of fear. Of doubt.

And I do it all the damn time. I have for most of my life. This is the result of trying to keep myself in balance, hesitating out of fear of diving too deep into that thing, be it writing a novel or running long distances (two things on which I’m working but have only just scratched the surface). Because it’s “safer” to be balanced, right?

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