Matt B. Perkins

Archives for April 2017

The Value of Dirt on the Path

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There is a fear within me of the unknown, a fear of the dark and dirty soil beneath the surface.

Afraid of what I can’t see, what I can’t smell or touch or even conceive.

This is nothing new, of course. Damn near everyone has such a fear on some level, I believe. It undoubtedly is what has fueled some of the best stories of our time (related note: I’m currently reading Stephen King’s It, and holy hot damn, what a book).

Most recently the bulk of my fear has revolved around not knowing if there’s any true value in my words or stories for others. It’s whether or not I can reach the extent of my writing goals and if I do, what the hell happens after that?

Will others read it?

Will they enjoy it? Take value from it? Find inspiration in it? Will they care?

I mean, hopefully, yes. And some will care, some won’t, I get that, I’m fine with that, there’s no reason anyone shouldn’t be fine with that.

But every time I start, every time I lay the pen to page or tap away on the keys, there’s that haunting, nagging son of a bitch in my ear, Fear, laying the way for self doubt.

Still, I’ve realized something. For the longest time I felt the goal was to overcome fear, to be rid of it. To be fearless. No more fear, hands dusted clean, that’s it, thank you, sweet, moving on. 

No. It doesn’t work that way.

Turns out — ha, ha! — FEAR is actually sort of a good thing, and, in an even more twisted way, a friend and a teacher. It’s not here to stop us. It’s here to guide us. And believe it or not, there is a blinding brilliant luminescence behind it.

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The Morning and the Night: Times of Creation

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Photo via Pixabay

I have an enemy and its name is SNOOZE.

That damn button sitting in various forms on my phone, on my alarm clock, on my watch. It’s everywhere — an excuse to postpone, to procrastinate, to get back under the covers for the illusion of more sleep — the illusion of more comfort.

But the snooze button does nothing more than simply allow you to put everything off. I’ve danced with this bastard more times than I care to admit, and still do, on a daily basis. If I’m able to avoid it, get up at my ideal hour of 5 a.m., than I’ve already won the day. Fun fact: this is rare.

Still, I try to face that daily battle against the inner resistance as much as I can. What I do after waking has been a bit of a chaotic mess lately, because I’ve been experimenting on how exactly to start the day. Over the years I’ve become flustered with what to do first thing in the morning. Is it better to write in the morning or at night? Better to meditate or read or exercise?  

There is, however, a cause for this back-and-forth confused mess of an approach, and much of it has been around the notion that there’s an ideal time to do something creative. Some people are night owls, others welcome the morning with open arms. I’ve found that there are elements of both that are prime for creating.

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6 Books That Helped Me Better Understand Myself

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Fair warning: this is not the first, nor will it be the last, piece I write on books. I could write post after post about books, which ones have affected me in which ways, the same way I could about music, and how it all affects my perception of life and the beauty of it.

Here,  though, I’m going to focus on the six books that I’ve read in the past year that have really helped me better understand myself as a person, who I am at my core, how I’ve evolved, how I’m still evolving, and how they’ve made me feel more certain about my place on the creative path forward.

I should note that none of these authors have asked me to write endorsements of their books; I am simply pointing them out because they’ve left a lasting impression on me and have inspired me to move forward with my own goals in writing, running, and in art.  

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No More Resets: The Path to a New Routine and Mindset

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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hit the reset button.

On writing.

On running or building out a full workout routine.

On meditation.

Or on any form of daily routine in general.

It’s all gone to shit, everything I’ve tried, even methods of starting small and building gradually. I always seem to start strong then waver off after a short period. I’ve had a few successes, most notably with certain elements mentioned in books like Hal Elrod’s The Miracle Morning (for general routine building) or Jerry Cleaver’s Immediate Fiction (for writing). And for the record, those are two fantastic books, and I’ll get into great inspiring reads in another post soon, but for time-saving purposes, let’s get to the point . . .

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